Invalidation examples (1)

Each is an attempt to talk you out of your feelings:


“Ordering” You to Feel Differently

  • Smile
  • Be happy
  • Cheer up
  • Lighten up
  • Get over it
  • Grow up
  • Get a life
  • Don’t cry
  • Don’t worry
  • Don’t be sad
  • Stop whining
  • Stop laughing
  • Don’t get angry
  • Deal with it
  • Give it a rest
  • Forget about it
  • Stop complaining
  • Don’t be so dramatic
  • Don’t be so sensitive
  • Stop being so emotional
  • Stop taking everything so personally

Ordering you to “look” differently

  • Don’t look so sad
  • Don’t look so smug
  • Don’t look so down
  • Don’t look like that
  • Don’t make that face
  • Don’t look so serious
  • Don’t look so proud of yourself
  • Don’t look so pleased with yourself

Denying Your Perception, Defending

  • But of course I respect you
  • But I do listen to you
  • That is ridiculous (nonsense, totally absurd, etc.)
  • I was only kidding
  • I honestly don’t judge you as much as you think

Trying to Make You Feel Guilty While Invalidating You

  • I tried to help you..
  • At least I …..
  • At least you….

Trying to Isolate You

  • You are the only one who feels that way.
  • It doesn’t bother anyone else, why should it bother you?

Minimizing Your Feelings

  • You must be kidding.
  • You can’t be serious.
  • It can’t be that bad.
  • Your life can’t be that bad.
  • You are just … (being difficult; being dramatic, in a bad mood, tired, etc)
  • It’s nothing to get upset over.
  • It’s not worth getting that upset over.

Using Reason

  • There is no reason to get upset.
  • You are not being rational.
  • But it doesn’t make any sense to feel that way.
  • Let’s look at the facts.
  • Let’s stick to the facts.
  • But if you really think about it….


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