Invalidation examples (2)

Each is an attempt to talk you out of your feelings:


Debating

  • I don’t always do that.
  • It’s not that bad. (that far, that heavy, that hot, that serious, etc.)

Judging & Labeling You

  • You are a cry baby.
  • You have a problem.
  • You are too sensitive.
  • You are over-reacting. You are too thin-skinned.
  • You are way too emotional.
  • You are an insensitive jerk. .
  • You need to get your head examined!
  • You are impossible to talk to.
  • You are impossible.
  • You are hopeless.

Turning Things Around

  • You are making a big deal out of nothing.
  • You are blowing this way out of proportion.
  • You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Trying to get you to question yourself

  • What is your problem?
  • What’s wrong with you?
  • What’s the matter with you?
  • Why can’t you just get over it?
  • Why do you always have to ….?
  • Is that all you can do, complain?
  • Why are you making such a big deal over it?
  • What’s wrong with you, can’t you take a joke?
  • How can you let a little thing like that bother you?
  • Don’t you think you are being a little dramatic?
  • Do you really think that crying about it is going to help anything?

Telling You How You “Should” Feel or Act

  • You should be excited.
  • You should be thrilled.
  • You should feel guilty.
  • You should feel thankful that…
  • You should be happy that ….
  • You should be glad that …
  • You should just drop it.
  • You shouldn’t worry so much.
  • You shouldn’t let it bother you.
  • You should just forget about it.
  • You should feel ashamed of yourself.
  • You shouldn’t wear your heart out on your sleeve.
  • You shouldn’t say that about your father/mother.

Defending The Other Person

  • Maybe they were just having a bad day.
  • I am sure she didn’t mean it like that.
  • You just took it wrong.
  • I am sure she means well.

Negating, Denial & Confusion

  • Now you know that isn’t true.
  • You don’t mean that. You know you love your baby brother.
  • You don’t really mean that. You are just … (in a bad mood today, tired, cranky)

Sarcasm and Mocking

  • Oh, you poor thing. Did I hurt your little feelings?
  • What did you think? The world was created to serve you?
  • What happened to you? Did you get out of the wrong side of bed again?

Laying Guilt Trips

  • Don’t you ever think of anyone but yourself?
  • What about my feelings?!
  • Have you ever stopped to consider my feelings?

Philosophizing Or Clichés

  • Time heals all wounds.
  • Every cloud has a silver lining.
  • Life is full of pain and pleasure.
  • In time you will understand this.
  • When you are older you will understand
  • You are just going through a phase.
  • Everything has its reasons.
  • Everything is just the way it is supposed to be.

Talking about you when you can hear it

  • She is impossible to talk to.
  • You can’t say anything to her.

Showing Intolerance

  • This is getting really old.
  • This is getting really pathetic.
  • I am sick of hearing about it.


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