Keep an open mind to others, seek to understand, but do not substitute anyone’s assessment or assertion for your own discernment. This is your responsibility. Do not abdicate it.
Covert abusers deceive. They hit and run and cover their tracks. They smile and say it never happened, or they didn’t mean anything by it, or it had nothing to do with you.
If you’re like a lot of women and girls, you will do anything to avoid confronting someone or hurting their feelings. You may feel reluctant to tell someone they’re lying, or call them on their game playing, (I’ve done this) even as they stand there right in front of you, lying to your face.
If you’re a guy, you might feel embarrassed this is happening to you or perhaps you’re afraid of appearing petty or not tough enough to handle it.
To be lied to is abuse. Don’t turn around and compound the abuse of their denial, with your own. If you do, your self-respect and self-trust will suffer.
All the techniques of manipulation, gaslighting, projecting, denying, accusing, trivializing, rationalizing, justifying and half-truths, these assaults of relational aggression not only work on other people, they work on you.
They can make you doubt yourself, make you feel crazy. But you’re not.
You’re a target and you’re under fire. Sometimes you need to hear that.
“No matter how confused, self-doubting or ambivalent we are about what’s happening in our interactions with other people, we can never entirely silence the inner voice that always tells the truth. We may not like the sound of the truth, and we often let it murmur just outside our consciousness, not stopping long enough to listen.
But when we pay attention to it, it leads us toward wisdom, health and clarity. That voice is the guardian of our integrity.”