Psychological Invalidation is one of the most lethal forms of emotional abuse. It kills confidence, creativity and individuality.
Telling a person she shouldn’t feel the way she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn’t be wet, grass it shouldn’t be green, or rocks they shouldn’t be hard. Each persons’s feelings are real. Whether we like or understand someone’s feelings, they are still real. Rejecting feelings is rejecting reality; it is to fight nature and may be called a crime against nature, “psychological murder”, or “soul murder.” Considering that trying to fight feelings, rather than accept them, is trying to fight all of nature, you can see why it is so frustrating, draining and futile.
A good guideline is:
We regularly invalidate others because we ourselves were, and are often invalidated, so it has become habitual.
Below are a few of the many ways we are invalidated:
· We are told we shouldn’t feel the way we feel
· We are dictated not to feel the way we feel
· We are told we are too sensitive, too “dramatic”
· We are ignored
· We are judged
· We are led to believe there is something wrong with us for feeling how we feel