Yes, it happened to me, unbelievably so, by those whom I trusted and loved.
As a survivor of emotional, psychological, and phyisical, abuse:
“Beware” of the Gaslighter (Abuser) in Sheep’s Clothing!
I have researched and studied extensively on the vast subject of abuse and as such, the purpose of this site is to offer all information gathered in the sincere hope that it may “shine a light” on the path to awareness, and be of some help.
Gaslighting is a heinous form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favour the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.
The articles employ the traditional english writing usage of masculine nouns and pronouns.
Kindest regards,
Cassandra
Gaslighting Abuse 
Thank-you for sharing your work.
I have been surrounded by abusers almost all my life.
For 35 of those years I was an unwitting victim, completely controlled by individuals who, although appearing ‘normal’, were and are like blood sucking mutant zombie aliens in human guise.
But f**k them and the horses they ride, because for 5 years I’ve been gleaning information from sites such as yours, and I’ve almost made it to the other side. Today you’ve helped me put a few more pieces of the puzzle together, and it’s not a pretty picture taking shape.
I’m almost there. I can (sometimes!) laugh at their tricks, sidestepping the carefully laid traps and even suceed in causing them to fall into the camouflaged holes they set up for others. Oh the joy!! ; )
All power to you Cassandra. Keep shining that light, because
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness cannot overcome it.”
John 1:5
Hi Cassandra,
I have been reading your web pages regarding gaslighting and I am convinced that I have been a victim of this in a few relationships, the last one being the worst.
My ex boyfriend cheated and lied and spent months telling me I was crazy and insecure, even though I was asking all the right questions, even going so far as to break it off with him to give him space or the out I thought he wanted due to the changes in him. But instead of letting me go, he did everything in his power to keep me hooked, and continue to lie and ensure that I understood that I was the reason he cheated and lied. Because I was insecure and clingy and smothering him, and if I could only stop being that way then our relationship would improve. It didn’t, he cheated again a week before we were going away for a romantic weekend (sabotaged).
I wish there were more resources on recovery as I feel very damaged and don’t trust myself to be in another relationship. It makes me sad to think this man took away my ability to trust. I also suffered a great deal of anger, and then shame, and the depression that followed made me suicidal. I fell into a psychosis at one point and ended up damaging his truck due to my anger and lack of control over my emotions. All the while he was dangling the relationship carrot in front of me, yet keeping me off balance. It has taken me nearly 4 years of intense personal work to recover, and I still feel as though I have a long way to go. And may never trust another man again.
Thankfully, I managed to save myself from the pits of despair because I didn’t want him to win. Even though he is in a new relationship and it seems as though he won, because he is able to move on and find a partner – I feel bad for her because I know what she is in for and even though it may be different with them, I have no doubt his cowardly ways will find a way to control and manipulate her. His biggest fear is when he realizes someone is starting to see him and all his warts – he hates himself and must therefore play out the scenario every time. Sad really.
I have learned more about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships in the course of my recovery, and I am thankful for weblogs like this one for helping me understand that I am NOT CRAZY.. but that I was hooked/in love with a narcissistic cheating manipulative cheater.
Thanks For a great website… you have laid one of my ghost problems to rest with your gaslighting explaination ^_^. Can I recommend your site? Kind regards from Steve
Gee, there is a lot of gender biased language here. Do you really think that only men do this? I am 6’6″ tall, very fit, and as gentle and philosophical as you will find. My ex is timid, and as meek in appearance as you will find. Ironically also a physician.
One day there was a knock on the door, and my life changed forever. I left my home with the shirt on my back, in a police car, and have never returned. None of her allegations were challenged, or even entertained in court. Two and a half years and still no sign of divorce. In that time, I have never uttered a word to her, but I continue to get letters from her lawyer telling me to stop doing things that are not even possible.
Yes, it happened to me. My mother is an undiagnosed narcissist, so I got an early start trying to make peace. I have master’s degree’s in art and architecture, and in a test for intuition, my result was that I “had a mind that was more feminine than most women.”
I am not a researcher, but I suspect that gaslighting is statistically male only because the power (financial) imbalances until recently, favoured males. In time, I think that gender will be shown to be insignificant as an indicator for this behaviour. If I were doing the research, empathy/psychopathy is were I would look.
I am so grateful for all of your beautifully written and spot on insights. Bless your heart, your blog is enormously helpful. Thank you Cassandra. .
Thank you, everyone, for your kind encouragement.